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Comment by Crystal Frizzell on December 7, 2011 at 1:54am

I had my transplant when I was 14, and it took its toll on my self confidence.  And I never felt like I was a "normal" teenager because of it.  I am coming up on my 10 year anniversary for my liver, and I've definitely had my ups and downs.  My senior year in high school I met a wonderful guy who seemed to care more about my health than I did.  We weren't even together for a month yet when I ended up in the hospital (non-transplant related, but was in the hospital for close to 2 weeks), and he stayed with me the whole time.  He ended up getting kicked out of school because of it.  Over the years I got sick a lot and he was always there for me, I thought I was lucky.  We are now getting divorced after almost 7 years together.  One of his friends told me that the reason why my ex kept cheating on me was because I was sick and going to die anyways.  I have always struggled with trying to cope with my transplant, but, even more so in the last year since everything started going downhill.  I am trying to get out of the mindset that nobody would want me because I'm just going to die.  

Comment by Herbert Maldonado on June 9, 2011 at 7:48am

Thanks for the advice everyone, I had no idea anyone responded until now.. Seems like AOL stopped sending me updates from the Cafe.. Hope all is well, take care

Comment by Marina on May 31, 2011 at 1:06pm

Herbert,

 

You're  way  too  young to  worry  about  such  a  thing.

When the  time  is  right,   the  right  person  will come  along, not  a  day  sooner!

Keep  smiling!!

 

Comment by Allen Russell on May 30, 2011 at 3:52pm

Herbert...please do not just focus on yourself.  You have a credential few can claim and many strive to learn about...some nearly BEG to learn about.  I meet some terrified pre-transplants that make me feel very helpful because I helped calm there emotions...men and women.  Use your compassion and it will flow over into a great relationship, with or not with a transplant patient. Just turn your focus and gifts outward!  Allen Russell, Liver Transplant 2002, Chaplain

Comment by Michelle French on May 30, 2011 at 11:27am

hey Herbert .. I totally hear ya. I feel the same way about the health side of things. But you are a young, great looking guy and chicks dig scars!  :)  

Take it ez. I bet things will work out well for ya. 

m

Comment by Catherine von Ruhland on May 30, 2011 at 11:09am

Hey Herbert,

Sorry your transplant has shattered your confidence.

There are plenty of women who look beyond the outside to the guy beneath.  You're already a good-looking guy.  I wouldn't worry! Easier said than done, I accept, but for now, concentrate on looking after your health, do the things you enjoy doing, and your confidence should re-emerge.

And if a girl ain't interested because of your medical history (don't feel you have to reveal everything on a first date - that's true for anyone) then she wasn't worth it.

Wishing you all the bestx

Comment by Herbert Maldonado on May 30, 2011 at 10:51am

I think I gave up on trying to find a relationship... My transplant really just shattered my self confidence and I don't see why a girl would want a guy with health problems if there are so many that are healthy? With my insecurities comes some jealousy so I prob need to jus focus on myself 

Comment by Laura on January 11, 2011 at 4:51pm

I just wanted to send out a very special thank you to all the caregivers of us fellow tx patients. I certainly feel that without you, alot of us wouldnt be where we are today..strong, feeling positive, on the mend. You truly do make a difference. We may have our "bad", emotional filled days, but you stick by us..you are heroes.

 

Thank you both Alice and Allen. There has been no question popped ..yet..but your posts certainly made me feel better. I shouldn't worry, as long as we can exchange "I do's" that is all that matters.

Comment by Alice on January 8, 2011 at 6:08pm

Go ahead and get married and stop worring about the beeper going off during the ceremony. I am sure the people who are attending know about your condition and would be happy for you if it were to go off.

My marriage vows were about 15 minutes long, so you could get married and then leave for the hospital. Just make sure you have what you want for the hospital and put them in the car that would be taking you to the hospital. Your or his parents could take care of the reception with out you there.

I  got my call at almost midnight and I wondered who would call me at that time of night. I was told that I had 2 hours to get there and it wasn't until the evening of the next day before they started operation. Which took 10 hours back in 2003. So, go and get married and don't worry about the beeper. 

Best wishes on your marriage and operation. I have a saying that I go by and it is: "Life is what's happening while you are making other plans".

Comment by Allen Russell on January 8, 2011 at 4:44pm

I'm assuming your potential fiance' is fully supportive of your transplant status, now and later. What a wonderful thing caregivers can be!  Regarding your wedding, the odds of the pager buzzing (or whatever they do nowadays) is pretty remote.  If it happens will you pick my lottery numbers sometime?!  I don't have to tell you that getting the call creates multi/multi emotions.  My dominant one was exhileration.  What better time to feel such an emotion than close to your marriage ceremony?  Of course the honeymoon might have to start in ICU...Allen  (Liver transplant 2002) 

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