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Comment by Catherine von Ruhland on July 13, 2009 at 12:10pm

Hi all,
I've never been one who wanted to define myself by my health and transplant. there was so much more to me than that - and surely the point about having a transplant was tto get on with as normal a life as possible.
Now, i'm back on dialysis, and that is quite difficult knowing how to deal with it on dates. I'm doing internet dating at the moment and haven't mentioned my health on my profile. The topic will come up when it needs to come up.
One thing I am aware of is diets i.e I have to be very careful what I eat and drink so this can raise questions. Why so much ice?;0)
I've never had problems with my scars, but my fistula does raise eyebrows. For one thing, my wrists are covered with scars that look as if I've tried to top myself. (I have a matching one at the base of my neck which looks like I tried to top myself but slipped... I have huge dialysis lumps on my right forearm, some of them almost big enough to hang a coat on. I don't mind them, but I'm aware they could well scare the heck out of other people! They would me. they look iike alien growths out of Doctor Who...
All the best,
Catheirnex

Comment by Laura on July 13, 2009 at 11:38am

Wow, guess this is a hotter topic than I thought. Well, so far I think my telling him was a good idea..plus, I couldn't hide my medic alert bracelet from him lol. He says he appreciates honesty, and that is why I told him...also, questions would have been raised once he saw me taking my pills. I do have the attitude that if he isn't comfortable with my having had a transplant, then he isn't right for me. Just past experience have had negatively affected me I guess.
Thank you everyone..Vic, Alice, Peach... I guess I am just still having problems dealing with my tx...even though it has been 4yrs (06/2005)

Comment by Alice on July 13, 2009 at 6:52am

I had joined one of the online dating sites back in 2001. I did date a couple of men but nothing was serious and they knew it. This was even before I knew I had a liver problem and got my transplant in 2003. I just had one man that stuck with me all through the whole transplant thing. I like him as a friend and nothing more. We are still phone and computer friends, but he is too far away to really meet. I guess that I was in the habit of dating so after my transplant I wasn't afraid to keep looking. Three years ago tomorrow (15th) was my first date with my gentleman friend. We have so much in common with our likes and dislikes in music, politics, travel and photography that we are like two peas in a pod as the saying goes. Besides having my transplant I have an autistic adult son, so my odds of finding someone was almost none. I am very happy now, but I may have to have to have a knee replacement. I have a had time walking and he likes to walk, so he pushes me around in my push wheel chair when he goes for a walk.
My favorite saying is one I made up it is "I am too dumb to know when I am licked" which means I keep trying.
I wish you all well in your search for a soul mate and a person who will really love you.
Alice in MA
Liver tx 12/2003 in Worcester, MA
P.S. Just look at you scar as a peace symbol or your high priced car's logo. LOL

Comment by LEROY HOBDEN on July 12, 2009 at 9:56pm

i hate being single wish that there was 1 for me

Comment by Catherine (Cathy) on July 12, 2009 at 9:10pm

I was married for 28 years! Been alone now for 10 years. X wanted a younger women and I was a Goddess had no problem meeting men right after our divorce. I grew up in the wild hippie days. I hate being SINGLE HATE IT! Last 3 years have been the hardest facing death then The Gift Of Life... I Want To Go Home Every Waking Day! I can't stop loving him and I have too stop 10 years is a long time!!! I can't move on now that I have been Gifted I am very open and honest up front that I have HCV and Have Been Gifted With Life!!!!

Comment by Mark E on July 12, 2009 at 8:35pm

I see why this is such a hot topic for us transplants- to me it as if I was born again, out of the loop for so long, and just unable to relate to people who don't understand the experience, Im just now feel able to complicate my life beyond family and a few close friends. I'm not even sure if thats what I want, but I aint dead yet- I will take it day by day! I feel proud to have made it this far, it defines me. and I like sharing my story with others- if it puts them off, so be it! its just who I am!

Comment by Alice on July 12, 2009 at 7:12pm

I think that is basically what I said. Don't give any of the story on the first date. But on the second date it is good to say you had a transplant but wait a little bit before getting into the whole story. Whats the point if giving the whole story if that fact that you had a transplant, If he can't take the fact that you had a transplant and leaves you. You deserve a little privacy. My plan only takes a month for the whole story to be told. Some people need time to digest what has been said before making up their mind if they want to stay or leave.

Comment by Vic Teshin on July 12, 2009 at 6:32pm

Different strokes for different folks. I just prefer honesty up front. I did mention that it's best to act normal. I don't necessarily talk about health matters on a first date unless it comes up somehow in conversation. If it does, I'm honest about what I say. That's all.

Comment by Alice on July 12, 2009 at 2:44pm

I totally disargee with Vic. Telling someone on the first time you meet is not the best thing to do. They have not had a chance to know you and you will scare them away. That is just plain stupid.
On a first date there is plenty to talk about, like your job, where you went to school. How many brother and sisters you have or about your parents. That kind of stuff usually takes up most of the time and finding that kind of stuff about him is good for a first date.
I did say that on the second date you could tell him about the transplant so that is being honest in a resonable length of time. Telling about your illness posibilities can wait a few more weeks and then you can be honest about that too. Most people (men & women) can't handle that much truth at the beginning of a relationship and if you have not said anything about the illness then you haven't lied. OK maybe you could wait about a month instead of 6 weeks and when you tell him explain it and about how often you land in the hospital. When you do tell him be completely honest about it. If you are feeling great and then you do get sick, it is a surprise to you. Also, if you feel like you are getting sick then tell him about feeling that way. You are not lying if you say nothing. I can tell when I am getting sick because I shiver and am cold and if I take my tempature and it is below normal and then the next time I take it and it is one degree above normal them I take my self to the hospital.
Like the Chinese people say "I wish you health, wealth, happiness and a long life".

Comment by Vic Teshin on July 12, 2009 at 1:48pm

Hi Laura - Sorry, but I totally disagree with Alice. Honesty is always the best policy. A person should always like and love someone because of who they are as a total person. Their inner heart and soul and all their character good or bad no matter how they look. It's the feeling, the touch the everything one enjoys when being with someone. I personally would feel betrayed if someone I was getting to know was not honest with me. Forget the scars, the transplant, the hospitalizations and live your life as normally (or crazily) as possible! Remember, just becuse a person may have had or may have similar health issues doesn't mean they'll understand things any better than someone who hasn't had/have those experiences but is a true person who likes you for who you are. I think not being honest will just cause more heartache. Good luck with your relationship! I hope it works out for you in the best way.

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