Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by king carroll on April 7, 2011 at 5:28am

i was okay  until three years after the transplant i then got very depress to the point i stop taking my meds which lead to a mild rejection i recover but every since i have had to take medication for depression it's not a very good felling but with surgery of this magnitude you look for some type of after effects . the cost we must accept.

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Permalink Reply by Melody Pierson on April 10, 2011 at 8:45am

Yes,

I have....but I was prone to depression. We go through a lot but are very strong during the process...I believe.

I was told by my psychiatrist that over 90 percent of transplantees have a depression at one point.

We know this passes with medication and talk therapy....It sucks...but you do get through it.

 

xooxMelodyxoxox

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Permalink Reply by Roger Anderson on May 3, 2011 at 8:06pm

Francis I know that this post is older and I have just began my journey on this web-site but believe me I have struggled with depression after I had a four organ transplant back in January of 2008. I had my surgery done in Pittsburgh and UPMC and man it was a tough trial as my wife had just given birth to our second child and there I was four and a half hours away and my wife and family could not afford to stay there with me. I struggled when I would see them once in a while on the weekends as I sat there crying because I wanted to go home with them, yet once I got home I was like a dead man and slept a lot wanting my old life back because up until then I was pretty healthy lifting weights and enjoying life and then wam I get hit with having a desmoid tumor that attached itself to my small bowel on a main artery. The doctors in our small town thought that they could go in and just remove the tumor and that would be that but instead I wake to find out they could not remove it and that I was to just go home and when I asked if it would kill me the doctor said yes in about 6 to 7 months talk about a blow right. Luckily someone recalled a girl from a near by area that had a small bowel transplant in Pittsburgh and I was put into contact with them. I thought that life would be easy and that I could cope with it all but I lied to myself in that thinking, with my surgery I ended up with a permanent ostomy and let me tell you that was the hardest part for me to deal with, I mean I had accidents in public and was embarassed but my wife has been my back bone along with her family and God and I still feel guilty because the depression is still kicking my butt at times, I have recently started seeing a pyschologist that is pretty good in our area and she is working with me but man I am on a bunch of anti depression medicine and I am hoping that it will help me out with God along the way. I felt guilty because going through all this has made me question God at times and I had thought for a while that I must not be that good of a guy in my Christian values if I need medicine for depression and I feel bad for all the ups and downs that I have put my family through with my going through all of this. I had a pancreas replacement along with my small bowel and stomach as well as my deudonum or however you spell that and yet I ended up with diabetes a few months after being transplanted and I struggle with that as my eating habits are not the greatest but I am working on that as well but man it seems as if one thing after another for the first year after being transplanted but God is still goood and I am still fighting the good fight and I have been blessed because I have not faced any rejection issues as many have that I have met in my life. Yet here I am still woe is me and I truly am tired of that feeling as many are in worse conditions then that of mine but I guess with depression and all it is easy to get caught up in that trap, many days I feel like I am the only one on a distant planet as not many in my small town can understand what I have been through and thank God I found this site because it feels lonely out there after having a transplant. I apologize for being so long winded but I had to touch on that subject because it is one that I know so well so take care and God bless you and always keep your chin up and know that you are blessed and that God loves you

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Permalink Reply by Francis on May 4, 2011 at 6:14am

Wow, Roger!  My heart goes out to you. I so appreciate your post and I hope that seeing my post was some comfort to you as it has been to others. Of course, on the day that I set out and decided to ask the question all that I was seeking was help for myself. Crying out, I guess you could say. It is very hard for me to say now that I was almost hoping for there to be others out there that was suffering with this just like me. When I was in that mind set, with so much pain and despair in my heart, I felt like please tell me that this isnt only me with this problem. Now, of course, I feel like such a bad person for feeling that way. I think maybe it was just a way to help me cope with it. Thinking Im not the only crazy person out there. But of course, there is nothing crazy about it.

I see in your words that you have come to realize that MOST people do not understand OUR situation. I guess its mainly a matter of not being ABLE to understand it. I eventually got to the point to where when someone asks questions or even seems concerned I only give very general answers and try not to go too in depth with it. The more I tell, the less they seem to understand. Maybe because it doesnt seem possible to for a human to go thru such and still be around to tell about it. Or maybe its too frightening. Which ever the reason, most just dont get it and start looking at me like, yeah right!  No blame am I placing on them. It is alot to take in. Then the depression. I cant tell you how many times I have regretted even mentioning it to people. I mean to people that seem truly concerned about you. Many dont get that its a disease at all. I hear snap out of it. Well, dont feel that way, Be happy!  I mean WOW!  Even family have told me that. They just dont get it, if they havent experienced it. So its always easier to just not say anything. Which I believe only makes it worse. So bottomline, I DO KNOW what you mean and I understand your frustration in it. I will be adding you to my prayer list. Be thankful for everyday that God gives us. He has a plan and we are part of it. I so appreciate your story and please share on my post anytime. God Bless you and your family.   P.S. Im doing so much better right now and I am so thankful to my Lord Jesus Christ . Francis

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Permalink Reply by anthea garrick on May 5, 2011 at 11:41am

Roger,

I am not a recipient, but the wife of a heart transplant recipient.  So I cannot walk in your shoes, but I do empathize.

  I can understand how the whole transplant process could be a catalyst for a lot of emotions, including depression.  Transplants are so filled with so many challenges, obstacles, mountains to climb, whatever you want to call it, it is no easy walk in the park, and you should feel proud of yourself for having the strength to go through this difficult process and still keep fighting.

  You have been through a lot, and my heart goes out to you.  I read your words, that "God is good and I am still fighting the good fight", and I just want to tell you that I am blown away by your courage and your good heart.  Stay strong, and even if you feel depressed sometimes, know that it won't last forever- it might feel like forever, but I promise you one day it will get better.  Don't be embarrassed about your ostomy because you are more than your body you are a brave spirit, and an true example of courage to us all.

*hugs*

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Permalink Reply by Mark E on May 7, 2011 at 1:36pm

part of the price you pay! yes after a few weeks in la la land, you start to feel so special and blessed to be alive! sometimes you begin to question if you are worthy, but you defiantly feel different ! kind of a hybred, not normal but alive with the help of spare parts and medical miracles! I used to force myself out into life- before I get pulled down to depression! all in all you realize you got the best of the deal! meds, fatigue, so what!  you are alive and every day is a gift!    a do-over!~ how special is that!                                me

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Permalink Reply by Roger Anderson on May 7, 2011 at 10:01pm

Thank you so very much for the words of encouragement and it means a lot to me believe you and me. I am still going with it and man you guys are right the fight is hard and long sometimes but one that is worth it. I get down and out with my colostomy when I have accidents but I remember that the doctors that performed my transplant had once told me that if people ever have a problem, pick up your shirt and show them the battle wounds and let them see what I have been through. It just gets to me when some friends say stuff before thinking, for example I had a older friend tell me man Roger if I had to go through what you have been through I would have just shot myself and yes part of it was a compliment I do realize but at the same time I was like man it really is bad. I mean here I am back then 30 getting ready to turn 31 worked out all the time and was really into it to the point I was getting ready to compete in a local bench press competition and then out of no where I am told that I would be dead in about 7 months if not before, luckily I got hooked up with the transplant team in Pittsburgh at UPMC but I suddenly realized that my life would never be the same. The friends that I thought I had back when I would go to the bars and drink with all of a sudden I find out that many were not my friends at all just users. I am proud that I have a beautiful family but man I have put them through the wringer as they dont know really what to say to me when I get out of hand with my depression and I feel horrible for that fact but I am working with a psychologist now that seems to understand my emotions better then I do. Its a road that is a very tough road to walk sometimes and I put my faith in Jesus but at the same time I find myself questioning him a lot about why this had to happen to me at such a young age sounds kind of selfish I know believe me especially when I see children going through the same type of transplant that I had and that makes it even worse because here I am woe is me and children have to deal with this at such a young and innocent age. I appreciate all the love and support from you all and it touches my heart and I hope that each one of you are blessed in your lives as I now know that I am not alone because coming from a small town there are not many in our area that have had transplants so you can imagine how you feel isolated but like I said God is still good and the sun still shines and I can wake up to my wife and kids each day even though I may feel awfully weak at times and here it has been 3 years later. Please if any of you pray could you keep my family and I in your prayers as I have put so much weight on over the past couple of years during recovery and have had poor eating habits that now I am trying to break I would much appreciate that and thank you for all the kind words once again and God keep you all safe and healthy and blessed each day with love Roger Anderson

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Permalink Reply by Paula M. Rice on May 8, 2011 at 4:04pm

Roger, I know exactly where you're coming from. There are times when my kids are going thru a rough patch, kids, jobs, etc. & they'll call & ask me how the hell I did it. My husband traveled for most of our childrens growing up period (there are 5 of them) &, the Drs. kept telling me all my heart problems were a figment of my imagination! How I despise career military docs! Anyway, I'm 31yrs. past my supposed "expiration" date & if it weren't for my TX. I'd never had seen all the children married or any of my grandchildren. So, YES, it is worth it. The next time there's an "accident", I agree, pull up your shirt & show off your battle scars. Only, I'd go one step further. I'd ask the insensitive jerk(s), "Want to trade places? Bet you couldn't handle it!" I've found that we're a rare breed. The ones who are willing to take the chance for a better life, despite the "side effects". If you asked your family, I bet they'd say that they're not only proud of you but, grateful you took the chance. Hang in & hold your head high. You & the family, the whole TX family are always in my Prayers. Hugs & Blessings, Paula   Heart TX 2-14-2001 

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Permalink Reply by Roger Anderson on May 8, 2011 at 7:51pm

Thank you so very much Paula for your kind words as well, I am so glad to find a place like this to share stories of transplant life as many people have no clue. My wife is awesome and she copes with it all so very good and people like all of you help me out so very much and mean so much to me each one of you that I meet through this site. I am truly trying to make a fresh start again and get back to the old me so to speak but its taking a while for me as with the type of transplant I have received the biggest issue so far is trying to keep hydrated especially in this summer weather and being a big guy I sweat so much but I am making strides and thank God I have never dealt with any issues of rejection praise Jesus. I truly thank you my friend for the encouragement and may God bless you and your family and keep you all healthy and happy much love to you and your family.

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